Do you ever get those days when you can’t seem to make yourself get out of bed? Days when you just can’t handle anything except the bathroom and powdered donuts? That is me as I write this. Today is a day of grief. I miss my husband more than I can say today. It is a day of depression, and depression for me is beyond debilitating. The fact that I got all of my children out the door to school with clean clothes and that I’m actually at the computer writing this post is just about a miracle.

I’m not the only one who has these days, of this I know. My emotions are overwhelming and MIA all at the same time. A great contradiction, but such days are generally contradicting for me. What triggers the emotions and thoughts of despair and longing? Only those in the moment can answer that question. Coming from experience, sometimes not even they can answer it. So how do you deal with it? How do you move forward out of the murky swamps of uselessness? How do you make yourself get up and do what you need to do? How do you write a post like this without switching point of view multiple times in the same paragraph?

I’ve known many people who tell me to just get up and do whatever it is I am supposed to be getting done. While I love them with all my heart, they have never been where I am. I get to the point where I know what I need to do. My mind tells me to get up and do it. Sometimes I even feel the desire to get up and do it, but my body doesn’t respond. Instead, I lay in bed feeling like a loser, wishing I could be done with this journey and join my husband.

*** I’m going to stop and say at this point that I will NOT harm myself to join my husband. Wishing during moments of despair and doing are two entirely different things. ***

The truth of the matter is: There will always be deep down days like this for me. I know the signs and I take medicine to help keep those days to a minimum. Please don’t think that this post is about gaining sympathy. It is not. It’s about validating others’ who experience the same issues.

So what is the take-home message today? You are not alone. No matter how dark it gets, you are still not alone. I am here waiting for the darkness to pass just like many others, writing this post, and consuming my pilfered powdered donuts.