Life According to Gribble

Let's Walk This Journey Together

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Butterfly vs Phoenix – What’s the Most Accurate Symbol for Grief?

July 6, 2024 / / 0 Comments

After my husband passed away, I went looking for support groups to help for coping with grief. Everywhere I turned I found the image of a butterfly. It was almost like the universal symbol of getting over a tragedy, and that bothered me.

I have always loved the butterfly (Gribble is a caterpillar after all). The butterfly is a beautiful symbol with a beautiful message. Unfortunately, the butterfly metaphor is simply too froo-froo for real life loss and tragedy. No, my froo-froo comment is not meant to hurt any creatures’ feelings, insect or otherwise.

The Phoenix

I prefer to think of the phoenix when it comes to this journey through tragedy and loss. The phoenix simply lives its life until one day flames burst from within to consume it completely. From its ashes rises an ugly little hatchling. But that hatchling will learn and grow and one day become an awe-inspiring phoenix again. 

Just like the phoenix, we too experience a fire that consumes us until we are nothing but a pile of useless and messy ash. The pain of loss isn’t something you can truly prepare for. Even those who know the end is coming still can’t fully prepare for the shock of that final goodbye—walking away from the empty, puppet-like body that first time.

The shock is like a lightning strike. We are instantly consumed by the burning fire of every nerve in our body prickling everywhere at once. Peacefully sleep in a safe cocoon while the flames lick at our souls with searing heat doesn’t work. We are forced to stand there in pain and suffer through every agonizing moment. The funeral, telling the rest of the family, wills, finances, living arrangements, etc. slap the bereaved in the face. When the burning eventually dies down, we are left in a very vulnerable state.

The Hard Work of a New Life

Nothing but the hard work of restarting our lives again exists. Well, except without the heart that was ripped from our chest like that unfortunate sacrificial slave in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. We don’t get to emerge with beautiful wings and fly off to peacefully live out the rest of our lives. Free to fly around, taunting innocent children holding silly nets.

We are left as a hatchling that doesn’t know what to do. How do you sweep up the messy ashes of our new beginning? If you’ve ever had to sweep up ashes in a fireplace, you will know that it takes a lot more than a broom and dustpan to clean up the mess. It’s a long drawn out process that gets everywhere before the world is set as close to right as possible.

Through that process, we have the opportunity to become as beautiful as the firebird we were with bold, vivid colors. The butterfly doesn’t pass through the heart wrenching pain of tragedy and loss. We are a phoenix whose end is as fiery and challenging as its beginning.

Gribble’s Perspective

Now you are probably wondering why Gribble, our friendly caterpillar, supports this distinction. We discussed the delicate topic at length before he explained his perspective beautifully saying:

“The Phoenix can have all the glory as a symbol of grief. My kind seek to inspire an innocent, loving hope for the future. At some point, those who are marred by the fiery scars of great loss will grow enough and heal enough and be confident enough to emerge from that moment of grief. They will finally be strong enough to show the world their flying colors. But grief never fully resolves. There are always moments when their inner phoenix flares up. It is at those moments when my fellow Lepidoptera and I will be right there with a fresh bottle of Aloe for our friend.”

Image Credit: Pexels

You Are Worth It!

December 5, 2021 / / 2 Comments

Do any of you remember Orkut? It was social media platform that launched in 2004 and shut down only a decade later, so I won’t hold it against you if you don’t remember it. In fact, the most popular population to use it were Brazilians. (p. 192)

Orkut’s ultimate demise came from issues revolving around its functionality. (p. 193) Problems such as friend limits and photo sharing quality inhibited the user experience. The platform simply wasn’t flexible enough to meet consumer needs. Was the issue the software itself? Was the issue because the developers chose not to update those features for some reason? Or was it because they didn’t know it was an issue until it was too late?

Orkut’s problem relates very much to our lives. How flexible are we? Do we have software (mental health) issues that are difficult to fix, that is if they can be fixed at all? Are we not open enough to take other points of view into consideration? Do we even realize we have a problem? Perhaps we realize but are too embarrassed to address it or think it’s too late to change.

These are the things I want to address. I could easily go into the current political and economic situation with this line of thinking, but I would rather not go down that rabbit hole. Instead, let’s look at the micro-level and concentrate on the individual – ourselves.

I have talked about mental health before, and it’s no secret I am a strong proponent for the issue. I deal with the effects of it on a regular basis, whether it is me, my children, my extended family, or friends and acquaintances. Our software – our brain’s mental health – only has a certain amount of ability to extend beyond its current programing. You can’t expect a person with Downs Syndrome to become a nuclear physicist. It is simply beyond their capacity. However, that is not necessarily the case with many circumstances. I have known those who use their mental health as a vehicle to gain things or as an excuse for why they can’t be expected to be held to a higher level of control.

Someone prone to depression and anxiety has the ability to rise above it, but it takes a lot of hard work, sometimes medication, counseling, and will power. That said, the pendulum always swings from amazing to down periods for which interventions are necessary. There are always exceptions, but the majority of those who experience it have a higher capacity then they realize. That majority includes me. It takes daily maintenance.

Down periods require a great deal of flexibility. We need to be able to recognize the signs and listen to our needs. Orcut lacked longevity due to a lack of flexibility. We have the potential for a great deal of flexibility within our own limits.

I remember the period after my husband passed away, I really needed someone to advocate for me to help me get the help I needed. I should have been on disability. I should have been in therapy immediately. I couldn’t do it myself – I simply didn’t have it in me to get any of it done. My husband had been my advocate, and he was gone. There was no way I could have anticipated his loss and set up a new advocate. Having a team is necessary.

The moral of the story? Be gentle with yourself. Listen to yourself and your needs. Create and follow through with intervention plans. Build a team who can help you monitor your needs. Advocate for yourself whenever possible. You are worth it.

Censorship in Media – Real or Made up?

November 22, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Warning: Touchy Topic

Weixin (pronounced “way-shin”) is another case study I reviewed in my graduate courses. For those who have never heard of Weixin (like me), they are a social media platform in China that has taken over. The idea behind the creators of Weixin’s platform was to be a “one-stop shopping” experience. It was all about bringing the traditionally social part of social media together with the functionality of other platforms to create a place users could do everything they need within one interface.

In three years from its inception, Weixin grew to more than 300 million users. When I first read this statistic I thought, “How in the world did they do that?” I’m not the only one to ponder that same question. The case study stated they “are more than a combination of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, and eBay.” The study was right. They forgot Uber. Weixin contracted with 350,000 taxi drivers in 30+ cities in China to allow their users to book and pay for the taxi ride through their interface.

The idea of having a platform with that kind of multi-functioning power makes me wonder why there isn’t such an interface here in America. The case study stated that some of those 300 million users were in America, which led me to a platform called “WeChat”. The parent company of Weixin, Tencent, created WeChat as an overseas alterative to Weixin.

At first glance, it doesn’t seem like a big deal for Tencent to have two different applications until you look at other platforms. Facebook doesn’t have two platforms, one domestic and the other for overseas use. Sure, there are different interfaces due to language differences. What works for English speakers does not work the same for those with right-to-left reading languages like Arabic, however, they use different interfaces not completely different applications. What is the difference?

The more I look into the question, the more I realize the answer is censorship. How could a platform created to be an all-in-one solution with an easy-to-use user interface create censorship? The answer lies in algorithms.

Tencent created Weixin for China, not for the rest of the world. According to an article featured on Chozan [https://chozan.co/wechat-vs-weixin/], marketers seeking to target mainland China must register for a specific account through Weixin. Those wishing to target anywhere else in the world must register for an account through WeChat. Why the difference? What makes China so different from the rest of the world? Again, the answer lies in the algorithms.

The algorithms for mainland China require different filtering that sorts through the information and only displays what the algorithms are designed to allow. That can be a wonderful thing in some cases. Take pornography for example. Facebook has very strict algorithms that does not allow pornography on the platform. YouTube, on the other hand, allows pornography as long as it is blocked as adult only content. The algorithms are clearly different.

The same thing applies to Weixin and WeChat. Some messages are allowed in the rest of the world, but not in China. Why? Who is holding the reins on the information allowed?

Perhaps I’m right. Perhaps I’m wrong. The question is up to you do decide because no matter how much I tell you about such a sensitive subject, you will never truly know until you research it yourself. Discover for yourself if what I’m saying is true. Then look at the information you are presented here in America. Is the information you are presented actually true just because it was reported on the news, or does different stations present different conclusions on the same events? Something to think about.

Hikers climbing on rock, mountain at sunset, one of them giving hand and helping to climb. Help, support, assistance in a dangerous situation

Stigmastasis – It’s a real thing

November 7, 2021 / / 0 Comments

I’ve learned a great deal in my graduate program. One of my classes spoke about a social media marketing campaign for breast cancer awareness. Some of you might remember seeing mysterious posts by individuals, such as “Dorothy, Red” or “Samantha, Blue” one October a few years ago. The key to the posts was a meme sent to ladies via Messenger asking them to post their name and the color of their bra. The reason for the posts? October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

While the meme is a good example of cyberactivism, was it really affective? The message was only sent to ladies, but they are leaving out the population of men who also deal with breast cancer. The Susan G. Komen website states, “less than 1% of all breast cancer cases occur in men.” The fact that the statistic is so small is good. However, what about those men who are in the “less than 1%” group? Being a small percentage doesn’t negate the need for the message.

It got me to thinking about a cause I am passionate about: mental health. For thousands of years the majority of the world suffered from what I think of as Stigmastasis – stuck in a state of stigma – when it came to mental health. Recently, though, we have seen an increase in candid conversations about mental health topics. Depression, anxiety, addiction, and bi-polar disorder are among the most common conditions in active discussion. I address my own personal experiences with mental health in my two-part post Metaphors and Me.

Those who suffer from stigmastasis don’t have all the facts about the topic in question. They don’t even know they have their own form of mental health condition. Sometimes their case is so extreme, they refuse to acknowledge the facts surrounding another mental health condition.

For example, stigmastasians (don’t laugh, you’ll hurt their feelings) do know know that OCD is not just a fear of germs. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, OCD also involves “unwanted forbidden or taboo thoughts involving sex, religion, or harm [and/or] aggressive thoughts towards others or self.” These thoughts are called intrusive thoughts. I know because I deal with them on a daily basis. For many years, I literally thought I was crazy – in a bad way. I was suffering from both intrusive thoughts and stigmastasis. I had to keep it quiet because what would happen if people knew? I would never act on those thoughts. I felt ashamed to be having them in the first place. A mental health practitioner I saw in my early 30’s finally identified and explained what they were. The horrible thoughts randomly floating into my brain was not a symptom of psychosis, it was a part of my OCD.

Psychosis is a disorder that is still truly taboo. Who wants to admit that they have psychotic episodes where they have literally taken a break from reality? I don’t say that lightly. I have a loved one who experienced psychotic episodes. Actions stemming from stigmastasis, shaming and shunning, are often paired with being honest with others about this serious disorder.

I have educated a number of people about intrusive thoughts and have even found others who also experience them. Because I was willing to talk about it, my daughter was able to identify what they were and tell me she was having them, too. She has the advantage of learning how to deal with them now instead of suffering from intrusive thoughts and stigmastasis for decades with the overwhelming anxiety and shame involved with not knowing.

Even mental health disorders that have more conversation and awareness than others suffer from an onslaught of stigmastasis. Addiction recovery receives a great deal of attention. Anonymous meetings for the many forms of addiction exist for the betterment of its members. And yet, organizations like Shatterproof are still working an uphill battle representing and acting to forward the cause of addiction treatment and recovery.

Let’s take a break and go back to the original topic for a moment. The problem with the breast cancer awareness meme is not as much the message as the lack of call to action. Awareness is wonderful. A call to action is the key to any activism campaign – cyber or otherwise.

So here is my call to action. Stamp Out Stigma, an initiative spearheaded by the Association for Behavioral Health and Wellness (ABHW) promotes their philosophy of the three “R’s” (recognize, reeducate, and reduce the stigma). It is an excellent direction to start moving. Below is a list of mental health disorders with links to learn more about each condition. Consider a way you can help further the cause of mental health awareness. A link for sharable resources from the National Institute of Mental Health is also posted (if available). Feel free to add disorders and links to mental health information in the comments below. What can you do to reduce the prevalence of stigmastasis against mental health?

Addiction Recovery – Sharable resources

ADHD/ADD – Sharable resources

Agoraphobia

Anxiety – Sharable Resources

Autism Spectrum Disorder – Sharable resources

Depression – Sharable Resources

Eating Disorders – Sharable resources

Bi-polar Disorder – Sharable Resources

Borderline Personality Disorder – Sharable resources

Children with Mental Illness – Sharable resources

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – Sharable resources

Psychosis/Psychotic

Schizophrenia – Sharable resources

Social Anxiety Disorder (formerly Social Phobia)

Suicide – Sharable resources

Trichotillomania

Education school concept. Clever female student girl in glasses lying on floor in college library with stack books reading. Instagram tone

Seeing Through to the Future

October 24, 2021 / / 3 Comments

As part of my graduate program, I read a case study about a company called Warby Parker. I didn’t recognize the name until I read more about them. They began as college students who were fed up with the way eyeglass frames were sold. The high costs, the hassle of attempting to get to a showroom to try them on lead to a great deal of frustration.

In 2010, they took a giant leap and started an online business selling eyeglass frames. The concept of online retail for frames was foreign at that time. How do you do something like that when the choice for such a product can be such a personal decision? They instituted a “Home Try-On Campaign” to meet this demand. Warby Parker sent five pairs of frames for the customer to try-on. The customer would send back the ones they didn’t want.

It was a brilliant move for them to make at such an influential time. No one was even thinking about a business strategy like that. The risk was immense, and it was innovation at its finest. How does that relate to us on a more personal level?

My world imploded when my husband died in 2016. I have been healing, trying to stay as clear-minded as possible for my children, and searching for an answer to the “What comes next” question. The answer is different for everyone. For me, I have rediscovered how much I enjoy reading, writing, and editing fiction. It took years to get to the point where I could truly move forward, but I made it.

I’m not alone in the endeavor. Just as those of you who have encountered personal tragedies of your own. The thing about tragedy is you discover your ability to redirect your situation to a lifestyle more conducive to your needs. That’s a fancy way of saying you adapt to your situation. Hopefully, the growth you will eventually encounter will lead you in a more positive direction.

I chose to follow my love of the written word and enroll in graduate school. It was a huge step and a ginormous risk for me. Was I choosing the right degree, the right school, the right program? Your steps may be just as huge. Like Warby Parker, it is important to take risks. The reinvention of a business model can pay off with enough time and willingness to move forward with your idea. The reinvention of yourself can do the same.

How am I reinventing myself? My life was such that I stopped reading and writing fiction completely for many years. It was a distraction from my attempts to provide for my family and I was miserable without those outlets. I gave myself permission to read again and read more than 100 books in a year and a half. Oh, the glories of binge reading. Through my graduate program, I am given permission to sit and write. I’m still working on the anxiety of so many years of telling myself I’m misusing my time when I write.

Did the founders of Warby Parker feel they were misusing their time with their venture? Maybe at some point, but they pushed through. They created their own designs to keep the costs down. They were sensitive to their customers’ time. Instead of overwhelming the customer with a showroom full of frames during times customers really do need to handle other pursuits, customers receive a manageable five pairs of glasses to try on at their convenience.

So, what can we learn from Warby Parker? It’s okay to take well thought out risks. It’s okay to choose a different path than everyone else. It’s okay to spend time doing what you love. Feel empowered to do what you can for yourself in all your ventures. It can lead to a massive payout – a happier you.

Image by Peter H from Pixabay

Future Trolls and Self-Care

June 23, 2020 / / 0 Comments

Have you ever been afraid of the future? I’m right there with you. I’m at a jumping off point and fear my mental health will get in the way. Bipolar-me doesn’t like to be stable so I have to really grasp hard to complete my longer-term goals. At this point, my goals include building a business by incorporating a product line focused on positive thinking and building upon talents. I also have a goal to write a book, be more consistent with my blog posts, and go back to school for a Master of Fine Art in Creative Writing. I’m terrified I’m going to feel overwhelmed and shut down – especially at an integral moment. I’m terrified I will change my mind halfway through and end up back at ground zero.

The good thing is, I have medication that will help regulate me. I have my family and friends who encourages me. I know I have the intellect to do it. It all comes down to mental health.

I’m tired of mental health ruling my life, but my mental health is just that – mine whether I want it or not. The question is how I can use my mental health to my advantage. OCD-me loves picking weeds because it’s detail-oriented and there is something about clearing weeds that satisfy an obsession for a better-looking yard. That is using my mental health to my advantage. (FYI-Bipolar-me likes to fight with OCD-me, so please don’t think I have the perfect yard.)

So how can I use the often reigning Bipolar-me to my advantage with future goals/tasks/obligations/conquests? There’s a thought. Perhaps my goals need to become quests. What’s the fun in life if you can’t have a few epic quests? Here’s the big problem: Bipolar Depressive-me. How can I combat that troll? (I like dragons too much to turn them into the bad guys.)

While nothing will completely vanquish that troll, I can keep it more at bay with self-care and understanding my mental health cycles. The troll will appear and take over, but I can exercise self-care to combat it like a sword of light. (I like swords, too. Have I shown you my sword wall? – And there we see a glimpse of Bipolar Manic-Me.)

Self-care for me means showering, brushing my teeth, reading for fun, and crafting. I cross stitch and have recently discovered diamond painting. A few to 30 minutes of self-care often helps me focus more on my current quest. (Oh, how I love metaphors.)

So there we have a partial and imperfect solution to a problem that will never go away, but it’s a start. I still fear the future and worry about my future endeavors, but I have a plan to work thorough that fear. We’ll see how well it works and adjust as necessary. That’s all anyone can do when faced with a troll.

Pray In Their Presence

April 16, 2020 / / 0 Comments

When I was young, we didn’t go to church regularly. We definitely didn’t have family prayer regularly. I think the longest I remember us going to church was in Heidelberg, Germany during my high school years. During that time, I remember kneeling down as a family. My mother prayed.  Out of the blue, I heard my mother pray for me by name. I was so moved, I cried. I was overcome with emotion. I felt her love so powerfully.

While reading the Book of Mormon, I read the part that really touched me.

14 And it came to pass that when they had knelt upon the ground, Jesus groaned within himself, and said: Father, I am troubled because of the wickedness of the people of the house of Israel.
15 And when he had said these words, he himself also knelt upon the earth; and behold he prayed unto the Father, and the things which he prayed cannot be written, and the multitude did bear record who heard him.
16 And after this manner do they bear record: The eye hath never seen, neither hath the ear heard, before, so great and marvelous things as we saw and heard Jesus speak unto the Father;
17 And no tongue can speak, neither can there be written by any man, neither can the hearts of men conceive so great and marvelous things as we both saw and heard Jesus speak; and no one can conceive of the joy which filled our souls at the time we heard him pray for us unto the Father.
18 And it came to pass that when Jesus had made an end of praying unto the Father, he arose; but so great was the joy of the multitude that they were overcome.”

3 Nephi 17:14.19

My own experience gives me some small insight into what the multitude standing outside the temple, listening to Jesus, must have felt as he prayed for them, I think, individually. It touches me. It makes me feel closer to my mother and to the Lord.

I wanted to share that with you to remind you, our children need as much comfort and guidance we can provide during this unsettling time. If you aren’t doing it already, pray for your children by name in their presence. I think it not only draws them closer to you but to the Lord.

And The Sister Invades…

April 14, 2020 / / 0 Comments

Gribble here! Just breaking news! My girl’s sister, Dawnelle, is invading the blog!

Actually, she knows Dawnelle is a talented writer and invited her to add her two cents on pertinent subjects. Of course I approved since this is still technically my blog, but we’ll not discuss that. They are both excited for the opportunity to work with each other and share their experiences. Dawnelle’s bio is up on the About Us page, so feel free to check it out.

Image from Lindsey Stirling's Take Flight music video, girl standing on edge of building with boat on clouds in front of her

Metaphors and Me (Part 2)

March 4, 2020 / / 0 Comments
Image from Lindsey Stirling's Take Flight music video, girl standing on edge of building with boat on clouds in front of her

Last week I discussed my own frame of mind and my moment of clarity:

To create a house of order,
I must first wade through the chaos that is my life.

It’s a tall order, but I had another moment of clarity that is helping me put the pieces together.

While writing one day, I was listening to music through YouTube when the song “Take Flight” by Lindsey Stirling came on. I stopped writing to watch the video, which I have seen multiple times. Suddenly had a different understanding of the song’s meaning. I also realized the applicability of its message in my life.

The way to move from my life of chaos to order is all about trust and imagination. Trust myself and not bury the talents given by my Father in Heaven. Here’s the thing with talents. I know I have talents, but they always seemed more like attributes of my personality than talents. My imagination, for example, is not just an attribute. It’s a talent I didn’t recognize. I need to let myself “take flight” with my imagination and not in a tornado to Oz. The task I have now set before me requires planning.

First, I need to figure out how to identify the part of my imagination I need to free. I turned to my children to help me answer that. I asked them what talent I would showcase if I were in a talent show. What did they say? They wisely stated that my talents lie elsewhere. I wouldn’t be in the talent show – I would be organizing it. That got me to thinking. If I can co-chair a first-time free writer’s conference with over 100 attendees, I can organize a way out of the sticky syrup lake with popcorn kernel shores of my life (one of my youngest’s more notorious self-made “sandboxes”, but I digress).

Understanding of the internal workings of my being is beginning to find firmer footing. It’s not an easy thing to face. I have pieces of myself that conflict with my desire to move forward and grow as I explained in the previous post. That internal struggle is real, and I know I’m not alone in it.

The question is how to get past the struggle. Medication has helped me immensely. Therapy has helped me immensely. Doing my best to just go with the flow has helped me immensely. (Recap: Drugs, professional help, and play it cool) Giving myself permission to move forward and finding the positive in each situation is vital and ongoing. (Recap: Keep swimming and the glass is half full)

It is beyond hard to find the positive in every situation. For example, when my mother died almost one year after my husband, it was a relief in some ways. She had been ill and bed-bound for a very long time. I had the privilege of helping her each day while my dad was working on location hours away and unable to come home every night. Don’t get me wrong, it was hard. Any caregiver will attest to how difficult it is to care for someone who is unable to perform basic activities of daily living on their own. Her death finally occurred when she developed necrosis following a leg amputation and it became time to discontinue dialysis.

So what was the positive? While it was hard to no longer sit and talk with my mom, while she is no longer reachable to share her maternal comfort with me, it was a relief to no longer have the responsibility that comes with caregiving. Does that make me selfish? No. Do I feel guilty about feeling that way? Most would say yes, but I don’t. She is so much happier and free without her broken body. I’m sure she looks forward to her resurrected body when the time comes, but for now she is free to do other things. She is able to be productive and “do for herself” on the other side. That right there is the positive. Her quality of life is no longer in the negative.

Now I need to figure out where this all leaves me. I have a talent in organizing events and processes. So why not organize a business and get myself back into the workforce in a way that will be productive for myself and others?

The last time I underwent the adventure of starting a business, I did everything wrong and learned a great deal. Now I’m taking my time to figure out what kind of business will be best for me and utilize my talents effectively. I have already done a great deal of research and have a whole lot more to fish through before I make a final decision on what that business will entail and how I will organize it. I know it will be a great journey full of more metaphors.

At this point I need to give a big thank you to Brave Enough” to “Take Flight” and see wherever this journey will lead me.

Powdered Donuts

Depression and Donuts

March 3, 2020 / / 0 Comments

Do you ever get those days when you can’t seem to make yourself get out of bed? Days when you just can’t handle anything except the bathroom and powdered donuts? That is me as I write this. Today is a day of grief. I miss my husband more than I can say today. It is a day of depression, and depression for me is beyond debilitating. The fact that I got all of my children out the door to school with clean clothes and that I’m actually at the computer writing this post is just about a miracle.

I’m not the only one who has these days, of this I know. My emotions are overwhelming and MIA all at the same time. A great contradiction, but such days are generally contradicting for me. What triggers the emotions and thoughts of despair and longing? Only those in the moment can answer that question. Coming from experience, sometimes not even they can answer it. So how do you deal with it? How do you move forward out of the murky swamps of uselessness? How do you make yourself get up and do what you need to do? How do you write a post like this without switching point of view multiple times in the same paragraph?

I’ve known many people who tell me to just get up and do whatever it is I am supposed to be getting done. While I love them with all my heart, they have never been where I am. I get to the point where I know what I need to do. My mind tells me to get up and do it. Sometimes I even feel the desire to get up and do it, but my body doesn’t respond. Instead, I lay in bed feeling like a loser, wishing I could be done with this journey and join my husband.

*** I’m going to stop and say at this point that I will NOT harm myself to join my husband. Wishing during moments of despair and doing are two entirely different things. ***

The truth of the matter is: There will always be deep down days like this for me. I know the signs and I take medicine to help keep those days to a minimum. Please don’t think that this post is about gaining sympathy. It is not. It’s about validating others’ who experience the same issues.

So what is the take-home message today? You are not alone. No matter how dark it gets, you are still not alone. I am here waiting for the darkness to pass just like many others, writing this post, and consuming my pilfered powdered donuts.

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