Let's Walk This Journey Together

Tag: Bi-polar

My Bi-Polar Disorder is Visiting a Major Depressive State

My deck is stacked with difficult cards. I am both physically and spiritually exhausted. Is the physical exhaustion I’m feeling due to the physical inactivity aspect from when I shut down after BJ died? But it’s been eight years since that major shut down.

I’m wondering if that’s what my body and mind are trying to do. Am I shutting down again? Why? What is the catalyst this time? Before BJ died, I shut down twice. The first was when I lost my job due to the company closing. That lasted about six months. The second was after my last miscarriage. That episode lasted around three to four months. It was years after BJ died to emerge from the shutdown.

While writing this post, I realized that my exhaustion right now is a sign of the bi-polar depressive state I feared was emerging when I wrote a previous post a month ago. Identifying the source of such feelings as being something in my brain chemistry is both freeing and frustrating.

I take medication to help stabilize my moods and prevent super high mania and super low depression. Medications, however, are not a perfect remedy. For those who think they can take a pill and be all better when dealing with chronic issues, mental or physical, here is your gentle reminder that it’s not true. Chronic issues are not usually curable. There will always be a need for treatment in some form. Special diets, medication, therapy, et cetera.

So where do I go from here? The answer is move forward. Get up and do what I need to do as best as I can. How do you get up and do things when you are so far down. Yes, knowing the source is helpful because I now know what I’m fighting. It’s also difficult because you see what you need to do and kick yourself down when you don’t get up and do it. I know I will be “called out” for blaming those shortcomings on an illness at some point. It’s just an excuse in their opinion. Those who truly understand the situation will realize the illness is actually an explanation.

I need to try to get up and do what I can knowing that some of those times I really can’t get myself up. It’s not because I’m lazy, it’s because I just don’t have it in me to move forward in that moment. And I need to give myself permission to say, “That’s okay.” The key is to keep trying. That is what the Lord wants from all of us. Leave the past in the past and keep moving forward in the degrees you know you can.

The Importance of Self-Care

One of my friends mentioned how they have been living in a difficult situation. The most important thing about the situation was their overwhelming role in the household. They went to work, came home to take manage the house, care for the children, and went to bed only to wake up the next day to do it all over again. Sound familiar? They are by no means the first or last person to live that way. It’s not a lifestyle choice. It’s the circumstances we find ourselves in for one reason or another.

Mental health comes in many flavors. Functioning, semi-functioning, and non-functioning is my breakdown. Remember that with mental health, just like physical health, people sometimes move both ways on the scale. A person who is non-functioning due to major depression can eventually work their way back up to a semi-functioning or functioning state. There are always exceptions, but for some it is possible.

The Pendulum of Life

At this point in my life, I am in a semi-functioning state. My bi-polar disorder (BPD) holds me back in many ways. Not everyone realizes that BPD does not mean they experience severe fluctuating moods throughout the day. BPD shifts from mania or depressive and back over the course of weeks and months. My sister and I equate the process to a swinging pendulum in a grandfather clock. I can be in a depressive state for months. Commitments will fall through, my bedroom becomes a cave, sometimes I pig out on sweets, and my children miss me. Then the pendulum swings, and I’m in my manic state.

While I love my manic state, because I actually accomplish tasks, it doesn’t usually last more than a couple of weeks—maybe a month. I have medication which helps regulate my BPD, but medication is not the end all be all cure, and it’s not the only thing I need. Self-care is also a vital part of treating my BPD.

Define Self-Care

The most concise definition of self-care came from my alma mater, Southern New Hampshire University. They said, “Self-care refers to anything that you do to keep yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually healthy.” Even small acts of self-care in your daily life can have a big impact.

Why is it so important?

The National Institute of Mental Health provides even more information on self-care stating:

Self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health. This can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy. Even small acts of self-care in your daily life can have a big impact.

National Institute of mental Health

Self-care impacts all aspects of our lives. The International Self-Care Foundation points out that something as simple as brushing and flossing your teeth could impact our heart health. With my friend, the gettogether we attended was their moment of self-care. They had a night to do what they wanted to do, not what they had to do. That time of relief is important to balance their needs with a break.

Remember that self-care doesn’t have to be static. You don’t need to do the same thing at the same time every week or month. If you have the opportunity and enjoy the activity, do it! Go with the flow and trust yourself to stop when life starts to get really hard. Take a moment to breath before facing life again.

I’ll write another post soon about how self-care is done. Stay tuned!

Stigmastasis – It’s a real thing

I’ve learned a great deal in my graduate program. One of my classes spoke about a social media marketing campaign for breast cancer awareness. Some of you might remember seeing mysterious posts by individuals, such as “Dorothy, Red” or “Samantha, Blue” one October a few years ago. The key to the posts was a meme sent to ladies via Messenger asking them to post their name and the color of their bra. The reason for the posts? October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

While the meme is a good example of cyberactivism, was it really affective? The message was only sent to ladies, but they are leaving out the population of men who also deal with breast cancer. The Susan G. Komen website states, “less than 1% of all breast cancer cases occur in men.” The fact that the statistic is so small is good. However, what about those men who are in the “less than 1%” group? Being a small percentage doesn’t negate the need for the message.

It got me to thinking about a cause I am passionate about: mental health. For thousands of years the majority of the world suffered from what I think of as Stigmastasis – stuck in a state of stigma – when it came to mental health. Recently, though, we have seen an increase in candid conversations about mental health topics. Depression, anxiety, addiction, and bi-polar disorder are among the most common conditions in active discussion. I address my own personal experiences with mental health in my two-part post Metaphors and Me.

Those who suffer from stigmastasis don’t have all the facts about the topic in question. They don’t even know they have their own form of mental health condition. Sometimes their case is so extreme, they refuse to acknowledge the facts surrounding another mental health condition.

For example, stigmastasians (don’t laugh, you’ll hurt their feelings) do know know that OCD is not just a fear of germs. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, OCD also involves “unwanted forbidden or taboo thoughts involving sex, religion, or harm [and/or] aggressive thoughts towards others or self.” These thoughts are called intrusive thoughts. I know because I deal with them on a daily basis. For many years, I literally thought I was crazy – in a bad way. I was suffering from both intrusive thoughts and stigmastasis. I had to keep it quiet because what would happen if people knew? I would never act on those thoughts. I felt ashamed to be having them in the first place. A mental health practitioner I saw in my early 30’s finally identified and explained what they were. The horrible thoughts randomly floating into my brain was not a symptom of psychosis, it was a part of my OCD.

Psychosis is a disorder that is still truly taboo. Who wants to admit that they have psychotic episodes where they have literally taken a break from reality? I don’t say that lightly. I have a loved one who experienced psychotic episodes. Actions stemming from stigmastasis, shaming and shunning, are often paired with being honest with others about this serious disorder.

I have educated a number of people about intrusive thoughts and have even found others who also experience them. Because I was willing to talk about it, my daughter was able to identify what they were and tell me she was having them, too. She has the advantage of learning how to deal with them now instead of suffering from intrusive thoughts and stigmastasis for decades with the overwhelming anxiety and shame involved with not knowing.

Even mental health disorders that have more conversation and awareness than others suffer from an onslaught of stigmastasis. Addiction recovery receives a great deal of attention. Anonymous meetings for the many forms of addiction exist for the betterment of its members. And yet, organizations like Shatterproof are still working an uphill battle representing and acting to forward the cause of addiction treatment and recovery.

Let’s take a break and go back to the original topic for a moment. The problem with the breast cancer awareness meme is not as much the message as the lack of call to action. Awareness is wonderful. A call to action is the key to any activism campaign – cyber or otherwise.

So here is my call to action. Stamp Out Stigma, an initiative spearheaded by the Association for Behavioral Health and Wellness (ABHW) promotes their philosophy of the three “R’s” (recognize, reeducate, and reduce the stigma). It is an excellent direction to start moving. Below is a list of mental health disorders with links to learn more about each condition. Consider a way you can help further the cause of mental health awareness. A link for sharable resources from the National Institute of Mental Health is also posted (if available). Feel free to add disorders and links to mental health information in the comments below. What can you do to reduce the prevalence of stigmastasis against mental health?

Addiction RecoverySharable resources

ADHD/ADDSharable resources

Agoraphobia

AnxietySharable Resources

Autism Spectrum DisorderSharable resources

DepressionSharable Resources

Eating DisordersSharable resources

Bi-polar DisorderSharable Resources

Borderline Personality DisorderSharable resources

Children with Mental IllnessSharable resources

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)Sharable resources

Psychosis/Psychotic

SchizophreniaSharable resources

Social Anxiety Disorder (formerly Social Phobia)

SuicideSharable resources

Trichotillomania