Life According to Gribble

Let's Walk This Journey Together

Tag: Recovery

group of people attending burial

Scheduling a Funeral Sucks: Let Someone Help You

October 3, 2024 / / 0 Comments

When my husband passed away, I had to make a lot of difficult decisions. One of those decisions was when to hold the funeral. We lived in Utah at the time, but we were burying him in Washington state. The most sensible timing of events was a problem though.

I worked out the schedule by days of the week. Saturday was the funeral program in Utah. Sunday we rested. Monday we would rent the U-Haul and transport his casket to Washington. (It felt weird transporting a casket with my dead husband in a U-Haul, but that is what we did.) Tuesday evening the funeral home would unload his casket. Wednesday we would hold the burial.

Sound’s reasonable right? Well, what was left of my heart in the gaping hole in my chest dropped in my stomach when I looked at the calendar. The day of the burial was my husband’s 35th birthday. I frantically rearranged the schedule to no avail. Every time I thought it I had it worked out, a bad feeling overcame me. The only plan I felt peace with was the original one.

His family was less than enthused about the schedule. They all came over to “discuss” the situation. When I finally and simply stated, “I’m not changing the date,” one of his family members stormed out of my home, slamming the front door behind them. If there’s one thing I don’t tolerate, it’s slamming doors.

I got up to give them a piece of my mind but stopped as soon as I got out the door. It would do no good to go after them. All I would accomplish is create more rifts in an already tense and difficult time. So what did I do? I balled my fists and walked back inside with a great deal of anger filling me.

They were wrong to storm out, but I realized later that I also bore some of the blame. I failed to fully explain my reasoning why I refused to change the date. I didn’t share the struggle I went through when solidifying the schedule. That burden was mine to bear, but looking back I should have been more forthcoming with my struggle.

Hindsight sucks because it doesn’t really account for the emotional and mental state of everyone in the situation. Objectivity is often clearer when looking back. I should have let them help me bear the burden of that problem. They could have asked why I chose that day. Maybe they did at one point. I don’t remember. All I do remember was both emotional and logical arguments for why the date impacted them. I could have given them the opportunity to understand, but I didn’t.

The moral of the story for me is it’s okay to share your burden when struggles come your way. Even if that sharing it just telling someone. Having an ally who understands can make a difference. Circumstances and emotions get in the way of rational thinking; however, perhaps the next time I am confronted with a difficult decision, I will confide my reasoning with those who are impacted.

woman holding a cup of coffee at right hand and reading book on her lap while holding it open with her left hand in a well-lit room

How to Include Self-care in Your Everyday Life

August 29, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Self-care is extremely important as I discussed in one of my previous posts. Now it’s time to figure out how self-care works. What do you do? Is it just going out with friends? Is it that pint of ice cream in the grocery store fridge calling your name? Let’s look at a couple of ways you can apply self-care to better your life.

The Pillars of Self-care

My research for this post lead me to a concept of self-care “pillars”. There are varying opinions on how many pillars there are, but seven seemed to be the most excepted. Macy Burkett of the University of Kansas wrote an article about these seven pillars. They are mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, environmental, recreational, and social.

It was great to see a breakdown of how to support your overall self-care needs, but the more I delved into the topic of these pillars, the more overwhelmed I became. Advice suggested making sure to include at least one or two things for each of those categories to ensure you are taking care of all your self-care needs.

A Different Set of Pillars

The feeling I got from the initial concept of the pillars as explained above was not of relief and enjoyment. It was a to-do list. Another thing to track and balance. The I came across a different set of the seven pillars when perusing the International Self-Care Foundation’s website. They are a little different as seen in the graphic below.

The second set of pillars are much closer to what I feel represents a good balance of self-care. It is more attuned to overall health than a to-do list. Pillars such as good hygiene and knowledge/health literacy are things a lot of people don’t think of as self-care, but it is. Did you know that something as simple as brushing your teeth is a form of self-care? You lower your risk for certain heart problems just by sticking that little brush with some paste on it in your mouth each day.

Let’s not pretend that everyone brushes their teeth every day, twice a day, and follows up with flossing. I’ll be honest and say I’m one of those who struggle with this simple task. It’s not reality for many other people as well for a multitude of reasons. Depression is a big one, but not the only reason why poor dental care occurs.

Depression is a vicious cycle. You have little energy. You feel useless, unimportant, like an embarrassment. Facing the world is overwhelming. Brushing your teeth, taking a shower, making something to eat other than cereal means you have to get up and look in the mirror. However, doing it helps you feel like you have accomplished something that day.

Another Way to Think of Self-care

I decided to simplify the concept for my own well-being. The only way for me to do that was to be a nerd and analyze the information. Here’s what I came up with.

So many of the activities found in each of the pillars could count for multiple categories. Why have specific categories when there is so much crossover? It made more sense to me to classify self-care under two categories: external and internal.

External self-care covers anything that influences your outer being. This could include your environment (the state of your house or desk) or your physical health (losing weight or personal hygiene are common examples). Internal self-care covers anything to do with your inner being. Your mental, spiritual, and emotional health falls into this category. Sometimes that pint of ice cream is just what you need in that moment – just be careful not to make a habit of it.

Under each category you have a choice of performing specific activities or embracing a different way of life. For example, external activities could include yoga, rock climbing, engaging in a hobby, or organizing your space. Keeping your environment organized is more of a different way of life than it is performing a specific activity. Internal activities could include meditation, attending church, socially interacting with others, or setting healthy boundaries with your friends and family.

Simply making sure I am covering both internal and external self-care brings me more peace and less stress than the pillars. That doesn’t always work for everyone. The act of organizing the activities to make sure they are covering all aspects of self-care in their life could be cathartic for others.

A Personal Example

At one point, my finances were very tight. (I’m still there in fact.) I had been so careful not to spend anything on me. Everything went to the bills or was used by my late husband. This went on for so long, I couldn’t even remember the last time I bought something frivolous for myself. So I did it. I bought myself something small like a candy bar and immediately felt relief. For the first time in a long time, I let myself enjoy the fruits of my labors. That little treat was my self-care in that moment.

The most important thing to remember is to love yourself. Remember you are loved. Whether you realize it or not, there are always people who are watching and praying for you. You may never know what an impact you are for those around you. Take care of yourself. You will find happiness in the process. I’m trying to apply those principles every day. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I succeed. Either way, it’s important to try. Let’s try together.

photo of woman climbing mountain

Remember the Dream and Take the Hard Way

August 22, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I don’t usually pay too much attention to my dreams. They are weird and often uncomfortable. Recently, however, I had a dream that I couldn’t ignore. A dream with a recurring theme.

A construction site with detours often appears in my dreams. I always end up at either a dead end of sorts or a road with rough terrain. Sometimes the end of the road is literally an end that drops off into a hole with the road beginning again on the other side of the hole; sometimes others are following me (not in a creepy way). The dreams are always different, but have that same theme of construction and a detour leading to nowhere.

The Dream

A couple weeks ago, I had another dream with the same theme. I was traveling on a road and encountered a construction zone. At first I thought I was going to get stuck somewhere in the middle of nowhere again, but the construction zone morphed into a smaller construction area that allowed traffic to go around rather than sending everyone on a big detour. The road changed to a rural road with black ice.

My dad was driving our old 1981 Volkswagen Vanagon in that moment. He was slipping around a lot, so I asked to take over. I was slipping around some too until we reached a pile of small boulder-size rocks blocking the road. The right side of the road was a wall of mountain, while the left side was the edge of a cliff. The rocks blocking the road were also covered in ice, but I could see a bit of a path that we could work our way through. The path led us to the edge on the left. We couldn’t stop before we fell onto a wide ledge below the cliff face.

The ledge had a decently even dirt road leading next to the cliffside down to a plateau where people parked while they watched the scenery. It was essentially a dead end that didn’t interest me or feel right. The cliff face from the ledge to the road was maybe 20 feet. Not a massive drop, but much too far to get the car up to the road. I stood there wondering what to do.

The Potential Interpretation

This dream bothered me more than usual, so I shared it with my daughter. Her first thoughts when I was describing the dream was Lehi and Nephi’s dream of the iron rod. For those who are unfamiliar with the dream, I’ll give a quick summary.

A prophet dreamed about an iron rod leading to a beautiful tree with the most wonderous and appetizing fruit. Off to the side was a river and beyond the river was “a great and spacious building”. In the great and spacious building were people who partied like frat boys. Many of them were pointing and making fun of those who were heading to the tree. Surrounding the iron rod was a black fog too thick to see through. Some people were walking near the rod without holding on, while others were lost in the darkness.

The main symbols of the vision represent: the tree was the Tree of Life, the iron rod was the gospel, and the great and spacious building was the world of men. The plateau in my dream specifically brought the great and spacious building to my daughter’s mind. The question that was left was to decide how to get back to the road—the iron rod.

What was the first thing she said when I expressed how I didn’t want to go down to the plateau? “Then climb.” I had not even thought to climb out because I needed the car. Her response about what to do when I got back to the road? “So walk.” Those were such easy answers, regardless of the difficulties that would come from following her suggestions. The climb would not be long, but it would be hard. I didn’t know for sure if the road would still be covered in ice when I reached the top. I would have to leave everything behind and take the hard way.

The Application

I think I know what the plateau and the climb represent, but it’s not easy to follow through. Who wants to take the hard way and climb—even if it is only 20 feet? I prayed hard and received my answer. Life According to Gribble was my answer. This blog was what I was prompted to start with. So here I am sharing my literal dreams with you!

So What’s My Point?

The point I would like to make is the fact that I think we all know that the easy way is not always the right way. I have many projects to work on. My novel editing business needs a big push. My home needs to be decluttered and actually unpacked so it doesn’t hold me down like it does now. There are several anthologies I would like to participate in; one of which will be with my writer’s group. I also need to revise my novel and get it published by the beginning of November.

None of those things are as simple as they might seem to some of you. I will need to approach each project with careful consideration and the knowledge that it will all be very hard. I will simply need to remember the dream and take the hard way. Not advice many would receive. This, however, is what I have been telling myself over the last couple of weeks. Each time it gets hard to get up and do what I know I need to do, I tell myself, “Remember the dream and take the hard way.”

Some of you might also be in extremely challenging turning points. You might not need to take the hard way, but it could be the better way in the end. If what I feel is correct, the hard way up to the road will be relatively short at this point.

I don’t know what will happen once I get there. I could encounter ice or clear roads. Maybe I will find myself alone, missing the companionship of those I had to leave behind to climb on their own, or I could be surrounded by others who are ready to give me a hand up the rest of the way. It would be fantastic if they had a car so I didn’t have to walk, but the peace of walking for a while could be refreshing and help my mental health. In the end, I need to find a way for myself.

Your lives will be different. Just remember, it’s okay to take the hard way if that is the direction you need to go to get back to the road. Remember your own dreams and take the hard way if that is the right way.

black Fayorit typewriter with printer paper

A Note from Gribble: It’s About to Get More Personal

July 28, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Gribble here. My girl is embarking on a more personal journey, so I’ve added a new category in our posts! The category is “It’s Getting Personal”. I’m going to tell you the events of what she calls her “three years of hell” so you have a better understanding of the obstacles she navigated and still faces. Sympathy is not necessary or sought.

My girl’s life changed forever in 2016. The year began with a miscarriage and she lost her job due to the deep depression she experienced. Six months later, as she was just coming out of her funk, she unexpectedly lost her husband to a thrombotic embolism (a blood clot), leaving her to raise their three children (almost 12, 10, and 3) by herself.

Her uncle died one month later while she was trying to pack her house to move out of state. About a month and a half of homelessness followed while she moved her children and the cranky 10-year-old cat from one relative’s house to another. When she was finally able to procure permanent housing with her parents, she crashed down from survivor mode.

A very serious bout of clinical depression overtook her life when she exited survivor mode. Some family members discussed the need to have her admitted. They eventually decided that my girl’s children needed her presence more since their father was no longer there. I don’t know if that was what was best for the children, but that was the decision made.

Eight months after her uncle’s death, her husband’s grandmother died. A more specific diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) was added to her pre-existing conditions of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), intrusive thoughts, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and anxiety when she was able to emotionally get herself out of bed and to therapy.

Several months before the grandmother died and for two months following, my girl took care of her bedbound mother until her passing at the end of May 2017. Her mother was buried one week before her husband’s one-year anniversary.

Nine months later her cousin’s 21-year-old son died in a tragic car accident, two weeks later her daughter’s dog died, and about four months later her daughter’s 11-month-old kitten died. Her then 4-year-old was diagnosed with autism and therapy led to the discovery of my girl having Bi-Polar Disorder (BPD). She told me later that many things in her life, even prior to her husband’s death, made significantly more sense.

While she was not close to all of those who passed away, the fact that death loomed so close to home struck a nerve with each notification of loss and each step of her mental health journey.

Navigating life is tough. Please remember that this post is not meant to dredge up sympathy. It is simply meant to be informational. Her journey is changing, as is expected in life, and I feel it would be best for her to share that journey with all of you. Perhaps the growth and setbacks as she works through her grief, mental health, and spiritual travels will help someone else someday. I hope you find comfort or enlightenment in the posts.

If you choose to comment on a post, PLEASE BE KIND. Everyone deserves kindness in one aspect or another. Be that person who is kind, positive, and factual in your comments.

Now I need to get back to my place of safety before my girl’s puppy finds me. Happy reading!

a black and white photo of a brain

Fighting Your Brain Chemistry Sucks – Depression Strikes Again

July 16, 2024 / / 0 Comments

The Bi-Polar pendulum is swinging. I can feel it. I’ve spent a good part of my life in a depressive state. With meds, I have been able to have more time in a “manic” state (or what other have told me is likely a “normal” state of mind).

I’m scared of the swing. Some think mental health is an excuse, but it’s not. It’s a real thing. I don’t want to feel down and out. Just retraining my behavior doesn’t make things all better. While it can help, other factors are involved. Chemical and hormone changes in my brain greatly influence my state of mind. It makes depression harder to fight. Medication helps regulate those changes, but it’s not a perfect fix either.

I was reading an account of Elder Shayne M Bowen’s time on his mission with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Chile. He and his mission companion had been arrested and separated amid political unrest. He prayed to Heavenly Father saying, “I am nothing special, but I have been obedient and I need Thy help tonight.” He did receive the comfort he needed that night. He stated, “the seeds of this help had been planted many years earlier.”

A couple thoughts occurred to me when I read this. The first being, whether we feel like nothing and down in depression, we need to remember that we will be blessed if we stay obedient to what we know is true. Depression is no joke. It is often paralyzing in my life. Getting up is more than challenging. Having the energy to shower and dress is practically non-existent. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.

I believe it is important to remember these challenges are not without reason or hope. That’s also not as easy as it sounds. Looking for spiritual aid has helped me. Knowing there must be a reason for the pendulum swinging back and forth gives me a sliver of hope that I will be free when my time comes to reunite with my husband.

Not dwelling on the past is a problem for me. Intrusive thoughts break into my calm moments and cause deep anxiety. It’s okay to look for help from past lessons. Depression will not magically go away, but I know I can potentially find some comfort while I work through the down times. Comfort is a miraculous blessing.

The message I’m trying to learn is remembering I am not nothing—even if I can’t get myself up and doing the things that are necessary. I am special to someone—even if I don’t always believe it. I know God is real—even if I sometimes feel forsaken. Others have gone through similar experiences, so I’m not alone. If I can’t think of anyone during those moments of my depressed mental state, I know Christ felt it. He knows, so I need to look to Him for help in the dark times.

Education school concept. Clever female student girl in glasses lying on floor in college library with stack books reading. Instagram tone

Seeing Through to the Future

October 24, 2021 / / 3 Comments

As part of my graduate program, I read a case study about a company called Warby Parker. I didn’t recognize the name until I read more about them. They began as college students who were fed up with the way eyeglass frames were sold. The high costs, the hassle of attempting to get to a showroom to try them on lead to a great deal of frustration.

In 2010, they took a giant leap and started an online business selling eyeglass frames. The concept of online retail for frames was foreign at that time. How do you do something like that when the choice for such a product can be such a personal decision? They instituted a “Home Try-On Campaign” to meet this demand. Warby Parker sent five pairs of frames for the customer to try-on. The customer would send back the ones they didn’t want.

It was a brilliant move for them to make at such an influential time. No one was even thinking about a business strategy like that. The risk was immense, and it was innovation at its finest. How does that relate to us on a more personal level?

My world imploded when my husband died in 2016. I have been healing, trying to stay as clear-minded as possible for my children, and searching for an answer to the “What comes next” question. The answer is different for everyone. For me, I have rediscovered how much I enjoy reading, writing, and editing fiction. It took years to get to the point where I could truly move forward, but I made it.

I’m not alone in the endeavor. Just as those of you who have encountered personal tragedies of your own. The thing about tragedy is you discover your ability to redirect your situation to a lifestyle more conducive to your needs. That’s a fancy way of saying you adapt to your situation. Hopefully, the growth you will eventually encounter will lead you in a more positive direction.

I chose to follow my love of the written word and enroll in graduate school. It was a huge step and a ginormous risk for me. Was I choosing the right degree, the right school, the right program? Your steps may be just as huge. Like Warby Parker, it is important to take risks. The reinvention of a business model can pay off with enough time and willingness to move forward with your idea. The reinvention of yourself can do the same.

How am I reinventing myself? My life was such that I stopped reading and writing fiction completely for many years. It was a distraction from my attempts to provide for my family and I was miserable without those outlets. I gave myself permission to read again and read more than 100 books in a year and a half. Oh, the glories of binge reading. Through my graduate program, I am given permission to sit and write. I’m still working on the anxiety of so many years of telling myself I’m misusing my time when I write.

Did the founders of Warby Parker feel they were misusing their time with their venture? Maybe at some point, but they pushed through. They created their own designs to keep the costs down. They were sensitive to their customers’ time. Instead of overwhelming the customer with a showroom full of frames during times customers really do need to handle other pursuits, customers receive a manageable five pairs of glasses to try on at their convenience.

So, what can we learn from Warby Parker? It’s okay to take well thought out risks. It’s okay to choose a different path than everyone else. It’s okay to spend time doing what you love. Feel empowered to do what you can for yourself in all your ventures. It can lead to a massive payout – a happier you.

Why is this happening to me?

June 28, 2018 / / 0 Comments

I have had to turn to my faith more than a few times these past two years. It is by no means uncommon for us, as survivors, to have a crisis of faith. We face a little one-word question that puts us to the ultimate test of faith. Why? Why did they have to die? Why am I still here? Why did they leave me? Why don’t they get the chance at a full life?

The short answer is a simple and frustrating, “I don’t know.” The longer more specific answer relates to the story of Joseph in Egypt. Below is a brief (I promise this actually is brief compared to the full version found in the Bible) synopsis of the story.

Joseph was the youngest and most favored son of his father, Jacob. His older brothers were overwhelmingly jealous of the favor their father showed Joseph. They decided one day, when their jealous anger rose to a peak, they would to kill him. Before they murdered their brother, they saw a caravan of merchantmen traveling to Egypt. Why kill their brother when they could gain a profit by selling him as slave?

Once the caravan reached Egypt, Joseph was then sold to a man named Potiphar, a captain of the guard to Pharaoh. Joseph worked hard and became Potiphar’s right hand man until Potiphar’s wife decided she wanted more from Joseph than he was willing to give. The wife grabbed Joseph’s coat when he literally ran from the house. Joseph shrugged it off and kept running. Of course the wife, having been rejected, decided to cry to her husband saying Joseph made advances toward her. Her proof was Joseph’s coat in her hands. Potiphar believed his wife and sent Joseph to prison.

While in prison, Joseph was yet again blessed for his work ethic and given the duty to oversee the prisoners in his ward. About this time, Pharaoh became angry at his chief butler and his chief baker. They were both placed in Joseph’s ward and experienced odd dreams on the same night. Joseph interpreted both dreams saying in three days the butler would be restored to his former position and the baker would be executed. True to Joseph’s interpretation, the butler was restored and the baker was significantly less fortunate.

Two years later, it was Pharaoh’s turn in the disturbing dreams department of dreamland. No one could interpret Pharaoh’s dreams. The butler spoke up and told Pharaoh about his experience with Joseph.

Pharaoh called for Joseph and demanded an interpretation of his dreams. Joseph explained that Pharaoh’s dreams were a warning. Though the next seven years would be plentiful, a great famine would strike all the lands of the Earth the following seven years. Joseph then suggested Pharaoh invest in a pretty comprehensive food storage program. Impressed, Pharaoh told him it was now Joseph’s job to create and oversee the aforementioned investment program…and have power over just about everything else except the throne.

The famine came as predicted seven years later and guess who made an appearance in Egypt two years into the famine? Yep, Joseph’s brothers. They didn’t realize who Joseph was at first, but don’t you worry, his brothers were graced with a pretty serious “Oh #&%@” moment.

Joseph could have done anything to them and no one would have faulted him; however, he chose a different path. He didn’t take them as his servants. He didn’t make them experience the sudden death round of the “how shall we play with brother today” game. He was happy to see his brothers. Joseph rejoiced! He told them not to be angry with themselves for selling him, because God sent him there to save many lives, including theirs.

This is where we bring ourselves back to the present. Whether you believe in God or not, bad things happen. It is an unfortunate fact of life we cannot escape. Joseph gained some understanding of why he was sent to Egypt when his brother’s showed up to purchase food, twenty-two years after they sold him to the caravan of merchantmen.

Just as Joseph lived in slavery and prison for so long, we also find ourselves in horrific places after the trauma of losing our loved ones. I won’t lie to you. Grief shows no mercy to anyone, and patience plainly sucks. Faith is all that will sustain us.

I still don’t have any specific answers why BJ had to die 11 days before his 35th birthday. All I have are speculations at this point. I take great comfort knowing that some day I will have the answers. It may or may not be in this lifetime, but I have faith the answers will come. You will also have the answers at some point. Don’t rush that moment. The Lord left us here for a reason. Looking too hard for answers we are ready or able to receive will only bring frustration and unhappiness. All we can do is take everything one day, one task, one moment at a time until we receive those answers.

Please remember you are far from alone in your journey. Faith, with all the other emotions we have swirling around our psyche, is not easy. Our goal should be to seek others who also struggle. Together we can help each other move forward in a positive and productive way.

You are loved more than you know!

Handcart Lessons

June 18, 2018 / / 1 Comment

Around March 2018, I was barely able to keep my head above the watery chaos of depression. My husband had suddenly passed away about a year and a half prior. My children were the only ones keeping me from letting myself go. They already lost their father. They needed their mother – not that I was much of a mother at the time. Granted, I was much better than I was the year prior, but I’ll go into the crippling effects of depression another time.

I thought back to an experience my nephew shared the prior year when he came home from a church sponsored event called Trek. Every few years my church organizes a pioneer journey for youth ages 12 through 18. The journey reenacts the pioneer experience during their trek west. Everyone dresses in pioneer garb. Youth are broken up into “families” with at least four children and one couple from the congregation serving as “Ma” and “Pa”. The youth pull loaded handcarts over 20 miles of difficult terrain in a three-day period.

My nephew told me about an experience that had surprising effect on me. The final hill is always given to the ladies since many pioneer men didn’t make it to their destinations. That left the women to bear the burden of finishing the journey.

Every young man was sent to the top of the hill.  The young men were told they were not allowed to help the young women. They could only silently watch. My nephew said it was a powerfully emotional experience to watch the young women struggle up the steep hill. Being unable to help was like torture.

When the first handcart finally reached the top of the steep hill and crossed the line marking the end of their trek, the young women ran back to the hill. The girls were exhausted, but they couldn’t bear to let their sisters continue to struggle on their own. One by one each handcart finally reached the top of the hill.

There were no shouts of joyous accomplishment and applause when the last handcart made it to the end. No one shrugged their shoulders and asked when they could get their phones back. The young women hugged each other with love, grateful to have made it to the top. They were proud of their accomplishments on that journey, but humbled by the sheer determination it took.

Every young man stood with their hat reverently held in their hands. Some freely shed tears…I mean got sand in their eyes. They were emotionally hurt, proud of their sisters, and distressed in their limited role of watching; however, they felt the Holy Spirit testify of the greatness of the pioneer’s tragically earned achievements. I thought a great deal about that story for a long time.

My unexpected lesson hit me this past March. I was trying so hard to get my own handcart over rough terrain and my dear husband’s spirit was forced to watch, unable to help. What kind of special hell is that? And I was the one making that hell even more bitter. It certainly wasn’t on purpose, but it was true all the same. I had eyes on my husband for so long and didn’t see what I should have.

Everyone handles tragedy in different ways. The death of my husband just about broke me, but I decided I couldn’t cause him and my children any more pain than they already had to endure. I somehow found a way to pull myself back to the land of the living. It wasn’t an overnight change. A great deal of heartache, prayer, hard work, and tears went into the process of moving on.

Unfortunately, the process never truly ends. Good days and bad days still trade off custody. What matters is keeping my eye on the goal. Continuing to progress to the best of my ability. Some days it is all I can do to keep the handcart from slipping backward. Other days I make good headway. It’s a matter of not giving up.

I have learned we all need to keep our eye on the top of the hill. Every step gets us a little closer. Celebrate those small steps because they add up quickly. The strength we discover when we reach the top of the hill will be a powerful testimony of our love for those who can only watch.

Be kind to yourself and know that you are loved!

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